this marmalade orange sky

let yourself fall apart ... now
because now is the time to do so

now is the time to admit defeat
to scream, to cry for the life you didn't live
to cry for the one you are living and
to cry for the one you want to be living instead

life is suffering. life is grieving

grief. grief is the friend that visits you in the middle of the night -
wakes you up at 4 in the morning and doesn't let you go
doesn't allow you to forget about her. because she wants so
badly for you to feel her all the way through. and she won't leave
until you do.

tender, real, soft. breaking you open.
you, a shell that initially resists , but eventually she gets you to
expose your pearl
your vulnerable human nature
you are being broken open every day a little more from the
sadness. the longing. the grief. the loss. the light.

oh... the light that wakes you in the morning that you pretend to be annoyed by
sun beams streaming like gold angel breathe waking you gently from your silent sleep

the light that allows for you to see all there is to see on this sad sad day
the light that the moon offers from her reflections of the sun's gift
the light that is the reason for every single flower you have ever appreciated
and the light that casts impartial shadows 

your tears, the ocean, last sunsets,
this marmalade orange sky makes me grateful to be alive.

in
out
in
out

everything in the universe expands and contracts on it's own terms
the why and the how, the fast or the slow of the pendulum swinging from open to close to open again
is a mystery
it is the reason we are still here
it is the rise and fall of breathe

in every moment another death. in each instant a passing away of this moment and
an arriving of the next. we are in liminal space, always pointing towards the next now.

grief becomes us. and we feel her. we breathe her in. we embrace her. we come to
know her as she sits with us in the night. we embody her and we allow her to reveal
her medicine. that she breaks us open to love more deeply, we should be so fortunate.
that we allow her to spin her web so we get caught up in it, forced to completely surrender,
we should pray that she choses us.

so that we can say, we opened out arms to her fullness and we caved in to her desire to merge with
us so completely so we know she is not to be feared but to be revered and bowed to.

to be broken open on a whole new level so that love in all it's many forms may pour in ever deeper in to the 10,000 cracks of our fragile perfectly broken being and we may embrace the sweetness of what it means to be truly alive and fully human.

living. breathing.

loving. feeling. seeing. tasting. smelling. hearing. touching.

expose your pearl
your vulnerable human nature
you are being broken open every day a little more